The Coldest Place in Ireland

They were rubbing their legs
Up in old Killybegs,
They were rubbing their noses in Tuam.
Around Abbeyleix
They were rubbing their cheeks
To restore normal feelings into ‘em.
It was nippy enough
Out in Ballyjamesduff
As the natives around will concur,
But the chilliest place,
Wasn’t Carlow or Naas,
But the tundra-like townland of Birrrr.

Activities stopped
As the mercury dropped
In the villages skirting Lough Swilly.
And down in Fermoy,
Every man, girl and boy
Said they never had felt it so chilly.
And in Dublin Four,
It was bitter and raw,
So they sported their ermine and fur,
But still, I am told
That it wasn’t as cold
As it was in the townland of Birrrr.

They claimed Minus Seven
In Monasterevin,
And Near-Minus Nine out in Gort.
‘Twas Minus Thirteen
Down in Cahirciveen,
Or so the inhabitants thought.
They said Minus Twenties
In Lifford and Glenties
But all of them had to defer
To the truthful submissions
‘Bout arctic conditions
That came from the townland of Birrrr.

It sleeted and snowed
And the glaciers flowed
Down the far-fabled Mountains of Mourne.
And by Oughterard
Lough Corrib froze hard,
As a terrible beauty was born.
There were penguins at play
On Lough Derg and Lough Ree,
As the Eskimos there will aver,
But the coldest of all
Wasn’t sweet Donegal,
But the perishing townland of Birr.