Monday, August 13, 2007

Whales – a Rant

I must admit
That every bit
Of logic in me fails
When I observe
The massive leurve
That people have for whales.

Men march, unquelled,
A placard held
By each and every walker,
Composing tunes
Against harpoons,
And harvesters of Orca.

“Save the Whale!”
Their shirts regale,
“Expose this foul allegiance
‘Twixt Japanese
Who roam the seas
And murderous Norwegians!”

Thus they protest
And beat their breast,
And cause a great commotion
To save these giant
Bullies of our ocean.

But ask a crab
Or hake or dab
Or…anything with scales,
To please reveal
The way they feel
Towards these ogrish whales.

They will relate
And tell you straight,
That whales are born to put
The fear of God
In squid and cod
And plaice and halibut.

They dive and blow,
Above, below,
In North and South Atlantic.
To hear the squeals
Of baby eels
Does drive their mothers frantic.

“Get out the way!”
Yell skate and ray,
Whene’er a whale is spotted,
And inky cuttle-
-Fish all scuttle
Out the way, besotted.

And here he comes,
All teeth and gums,
With skin as smooth as rubber,
This oversized
And much despised
Great floating vat of blubber.

It’s fine to kill
The poor old krill,
Who never hurt nobody.
Yet we regale
The murd’rous whale
Whose practices are shoddy.

It’s really weird –
It can’t be sheared
Or milked or trained or ridden.
It won’t fetch sticks
Or do cute tricks
Whenever it is bidden.

What use is it,
This outsized git,
That does just as it wishes?
It thinks it’s great
To undulate
And frighten little fishes.

It’s not p.c.
To say that we
Should hunt them, and of course it’s
Quite wrong to say
Out loud that they
Are better off as corsets.

But is our Navy
Really gravy?
Do we have great sailors?
Do we breed
True men indeed
The way they did on whalers?

When rolling seas
Would scour and freeze,
When force elevens gusted,
When he who flinched
Was shot or lynched,
And scabs became encrusted.

When men on bows
Spied bulls and cows
With harpoons at the ready,
And though the swell
Was fierce as hell,
Their aim was true and steady.

So let us rise
With steely eyes
And done our winter woollies.
Let’s rid the seas
Of all of these
Great overvalued bullies.

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