The Great Escape

The council were putting in new phones
In the middle of our town.
They were digging up some paving stones
To put their cables down.
They’d just gone round an old gnarled tree,
When they heard a voice call out with glee,
“Hurray! I’ve got my liberty!
I’m free! I’m free! I’m free!”

“Observa-tree, Conserva-tree,
I’ve been living in Purga-tree.
Thirty years of misery,
Now I’m free, you won’t catch me.”

There came a booming, creaking sound,
A magnified drum-roll.
The tree’s roots heaved out of the ground,
And hopped out of the hole.
The workmen watched amazedly,
As it shook its twigs excitedly,
And in a high voice cried, “Yippee!
I’m free! I’m free! I’m free!”

“Poe-tree, Bandi-tree,
Freedom should be Manda-tree.
Thirty years of misery,
Now I’m free, you won’t catch me.”

The tree went shuffling down the street,
Accompanied by a terrier.
The tree exclaimed, “Revenge is sweet!”
And kicked it up the derriere.
“Dogs belong in the cemetery,
I’m not a canine lavatory,
Now you’ve barked up this wrong tree,
I’m free! I’m free! I’m free!”

“Symma-tree, Geome-tree,
Add some Trigonome-tree,
Thirty years of misery,
Now I’m free, you won’t catch me.”

He took to the dual carriageway
Which caused a great commotion.
Motorists were heard to say,
“Oh, a tree in motion.”
He overtook a JCB,
And then a stolen Ford Capri,
Then yelled out unashamedly,
“I’m free! I’m free! I’m free!”

“Accusa-tree, Liga-tree,
Clean air should be Obliga-tree,
Thirty years of misery,
Now I’m free, you won’t catch me.”

The Gards set out in hot pursuit,
Patrol cars by the dozens,
And so the tree put down the boot
To see his country cousins.
And in a copse in Offaly
He vanished for eternity,
No more to suffer bronchially,
He’s free, he’s free, he’s free.

“Carpen-tree, Idola-tree,
I’m no longer in Soli-tree,
Thirty years of misery,
Now I’m free, you won’t catch me.”