I knew I was in trouble from the moment I awoke,
Being such an unresponsive, unromantic bloke,
The soppy songs and sentiments all seem to touch a nerve,
Fancy having one whole day devoted just to lerve!
I came to work this morning like a jumpy, nervous sparrow,
Nervous, nay, quite petrified of Cupid’s fateful arrow.
Like a soldier under heavy fire, I had to dodge and swerve,
To get to my employment, quite unscathed by heavy lerve.
They’re all around us, everywhere, those big, red hearts and kisses,
The fulsome dedications to your husband and your missus.
Unashamed and unabashed, they shout their thoughts with verve,
Pitifully afflicted by this crazy thing called lerve.
The heart is such a marvellous thing, it serves to keep blood flowing,
It’s big and red and squishy and it helps to keep us going.
Beyond that brief description is the medical preserve –
Even famous surgeons cannot come to grips with lerve.
I don’t know much about it, they say ignorance is bliss,
Imagine all the smelly germs you get from one short kiss.
They say the art of romance is a long, slow learning curve –
I’d fail Foundation Level in the Junior Cert of Lerve.
I know I should have stayed in bed, avoided all the vehement
Bunnikins and Squidgeypants, and such terms of endearment.
I suppose these poor romantic fools all get what they deserve,
But must the rest of us endure this overdose of lerve?
Being such an unresponsive, unromantic bloke,
The soppy songs and sentiments all seem to touch a nerve,
Fancy having one whole day devoted just to lerve!
I came to work this morning like a jumpy, nervous sparrow,
Nervous, nay, quite petrified of Cupid’s fateful arrow.
Like a soldier under heavy fire, I had to dodge and swerve,
To get to my employment, quite unscathed by heavy lerve.
They’re all around us, everywhere, those big, red hearts and kisses,
The fulsome dedications to your husband and your missus.
Unashamed and unabashed, they shout their thoughts with verve,
Pitifully afflicted by this crazy thing called lerve.
The heart is such a marvellous thing, it serves to keep blood flowing,
It’s big and red and squishy and it helps to keep us going.
Beyond that brief description is the medical preserve –
Even famous surgeons cannot come to grips with lerve.
I don’t know much about it, they say ignorance is bliss,
Imagine all the smelly germs you get from one short kiss.
They say the art of romance is a long, slow learning curve –
I’d fail Foundation Level in the Junior Cert of Lerve.
I know I should have stayed in bed, avoided all the vehement
Bunnikins and Squidgeypants, and such terms of endearment.
I suppose these poor romantic fools all get what they deserve,
But must the rest of us endure this overdose of lerve?
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