Sweet Maeve Price

Sweet Maeve Price was very nice,
She didn’t have a single vice.
She didn’t drink, she didn’t smoke,
She never told a dirty joke.
In wintertime she fed the birds
So lovingly with kindly words.
To down-and-outs, she was kind-hearted,
In church, she hardly ever farted.
Ne’er a one for dirty tricks,
She never mentioned politics.
She always was in bed by ten
[With teddy, not with gentlemen.]
She’d smile at people in the street
With gleaming teeth so white and neat,
And patted children on the head.
“They’re all adorable,” she said.

Which is why, when poor Maeve died,
Nobody mourned at her graveside.