Cool Talking

Said Captain Oates to Captain Scott,
“It’s bloody cold, I kid you not!
I’ve got a frozen piece of snot,
Size of a cannonball.”

“Oh, Captain Oates,” said Captain Scott,
“I grant you it’s not over hot.
Let’s see your frozen piece of snot.
I bet it’s really small.”

Said Captain Oates to Captain Scott,
“God, is it bleeding cold or what?
Look, here’s my frozen piece of snot,
It isn’t small at all.”

“Oh, Captain Oates,” said Captain Scott.
“What’s heat like? I have quite forgot.
Wrap up that frozen piece of snot
And put it in your shawl.”

Said Captain Oates to Captain Scott,
“I think I’m frozen to the spot.
Watch out for that there piece of snot,
In case you have a fall.”

“Oh, Captain Oates,” said Captain Scott,
“I think my toes have gone to pot.
Lets hop aboard your piece of snot
And then we’ll be quite tall.”

Said Doctor Wilson, turning pale,
“This expedition’s bound to fail.
If you’re so cold in Waltham Vale,
What will happen when we sail,
Towards that southern polar trail?
We won’t return at all!”