Sir Walter Raleigh

Sir Walter Raleigh has to be
The vilest man in history.
What an egocentric prat,
Underneath that silly hat.
Happy day he lost his head,
Served him right, as people said.

Of all explorers, he was worst,
No wonder he’s so roundly cursed.
What a legacy to leave –
Millions left to mourn and grieve.
Countries full of people dying –
His thoughtlessness is stupefying.

What made him think we’d benefit
By blithely introducing it?
Such a total, utter waste –
It doesn’t have a pleasant taste,
The daftest thing in any place
That people stuff into their face.

Walter Raleigh, on your head
Lie the souls of countless dead.
If at birth you had been hung,
They would all have not died young,
And we need not lobby NATO
To proscribe that damned potato.