Valentines Poem

My love is like a red, red, rose
All prickly and thorny.
Oh, please be mine, for goodness knows,
I’m feeling really horny.

Your body is a Beatles song,
A Flying Pickets medley,
Your legs are slim and really long
And Jeez, your arse is deadly.

The priest forgave my sins outright,
Though I was keen and zealous.
He’d clocked you in the Mass last night,
And told me he was jealous.

So, go put on your nicest frock
And lets go on a date,
I’ll pick you up at seven o’clock
And put you down at eight.

I know you’re not the sharpest knife
That lives inside the drawer,
But I don’t want a clever wife –
Just sex for evermore.

Written for a Gerry Ryan competition on the radio, but did not get through!