Thursday, August 2, 2007

The Bastards Stole The Internet Away

I woke up with a laughter in my breastbone,
Skipped to work so carefree and so gay.
To flitting swifts, I doffed my hat,
Completely unsuspecting that
Somebody stole the internet away.
It seemed to be a normal day in work
Within the very merry month of May.
I commenced my daily grind
But was quite horrified to find
That someone stole my internet away.
I tried it for an hour or maybe longer,
Then faced the situation with dismay.
There was no time to pine or grieve,
Although my eyes could scarce believe
That someone stole the internet away.
I’ve never been a man to swing the lead,
I’ve always knuckled down and earned my pay.
A minute here, a minute there,
Sure, what would anybody care?
‘Cept those who stole the internet away.
Downloading porn has never been my style,
Wobbly arses never held much sway.
But whereto now to get my kicks,
To get my daily football fix,
Since someone stole the internet away?
I went to Church and got down on my knees,
Prayed as hard as any man might pray,
But my entreaties went unheeded,
BAX law can’t be superceded,
And thus they took the internet away.
I’ve had a word with Pronsias de Rossa,
I’ve even had a word with Opus Dei,
But they’re very much afraid,
They simply can’t come to my aid,
Though someone stole the internet away.
The decision to remove it is a strange one,
For how can they expect their staff to stay.
There’ll be many moving on
Now that their surfing days are gone,
Because they stole the internet away.
By nature I’m remarkably impassive.
I do not like to cause a big affray.
But things changed overnight
And now I’m spoiling for a fight,
Since someone stole the internet away.
Oh yes, these staunch upholders of the rulebook,
So fearful lest we plebs might go astray.
Not enough that they should preach,
They’ve put temptation out of reach,
And taken our dear internet away.
Now there’s only Solitaire and FreeCell,
Begging me with winking eye to play,
And I’m improving quite a lot,
I’ve just won four games on the trot,
Since someone stole the internet away.
I’ve searched the fields and hedgerows of the district,
I’ve made enquiries out as far as Bray.
But what’s a man to do,
Nobody seems to have a clue,
To where they took the internet away.
My happy, happy world is gone forever,
The blue skies have abruptly turned to grey,
I tried to beg but ‘twas no use,
They cited internet abuse,
Explaining why they stole the net away.
A shadow has been cast on my existence,
Around me I see darkness and decay.
Those happy days I’ll ne’er forget
Of surfing blithely on the net
Until they stole the internet away.
And when I’m lying safely in the graveyard,
A headstone standing proud o’er where I lay,
The words in letters bold and high,
Will tell the dawdling passer-by,
The Bastards Stole the Internet Away.

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