Liar, Liar, Big Bird’s–Eyer

Dom worked hard for Bird’s Eye in the mashed potato section,
Measuring the waffles and applying a correction,
Checking that the little squares were not, in fact, rectangles,
And, if they were, he’d stop them and re-feed them through the mangles.

His diligence was something that his workmates could admire,
But very soon they found out that he was a dreadful liar,
He told them lots of stories that they just could not believe,
And when they thought he’d finished, he’d another up his sleeve.

He told them he could play the harp, the zither and trombone,
And once he’d fought a rabid cow, when he was out alone,
He’d fought in Sarajevo and he’d overthrown Iraq,
Before a piece of shrapnel caught him squarely in the back.

He’d sailed a boat round Ireland in a mad Atlantic storm,
And petitioned Brian Cowan for political reform,
He’d run the Dublin marathon in two hours fifty seven,
And once, for three whole minutes, he had died and gone to heaven.

He’d gone to Santiago in a purple Ford Cortina,
And when it died, he dumped it and hitched down to Argentina.
He’d helped co-write “The Walk of Life” with Dire Straits’ Mark Knoffler,
But no-one else believed him, for they knew he was a waffler.